Scenario:

She’s been at the school for a while now, but she’s got no friends. What to do?

Option 1: Check in with your child

Even amongst adults, not everyone needs or likes a big friendship group, but nearly everyone needs someone they can relax with or be themselves around out of the home. Ascertain from your child if she understands the value of friendship and wants to make friends. You won’t know until you ask. Is there a bigger issue or is there no issue at all?

Lesson learnt: Never assume—Always communicate.

Option 2: Connect with the school staff

Speak to an adult at the school. They’ll know more than you do about what happens at school. Perhaps your child just chooses not to talk to you about her friends. Perhaps teachers have noticed and are concerned too?

Lesson learnt: Rely on those who are there when you can't be.

Option 3: Arrange a playdate

This option is good for you and her. You’ll get to see how she interacts with others and help start up a connection that can blossom into a friendship. Play dates will involve parents interacting too and that helps to reinforce a supportive network.

Lesson learnt: Sometimes, initiating the first steps can spark long-lasting bonds.

Scenario:

You’re shocked by your child’s report. You thought everything was going well and there was no cause to worry. The report tells a very concerning story now it’s been released. Breathe! Now, what to do?

Option 1: Have a heart-to-heart with your child

Ultimately, your child needs to own the report. Invite him/her to let you know what went wrong. Be calm and solutions focused. It may be that there’s a significant issue, or it could be easily remedied. You won’t know until you have this conversation.

It’s not a crime to get a bad report so don’t overreact. Perhaps also pertinent is you need to reflect on your child’s openness with you. Surely he/she knew what was coming? Set clear targets and remind him/her of your expectations.

Lesson learnt: Maintain composure, open lines of communication, and promote responsibility.

Option 2: Engage with the School

Context is important. Remind yourself that a report or result is not the sum total of your child. Asking questions to the correct member of staff can provide this. For example, how does this report compare to last term/last year? How can we move forward? Letting them know what your expectations are is also helpful.

Facilitating ongoing contact is always appreciated. Don’t assume contact was not made or attempted by the school. Schools are busy places, agreeing a mutually sustainable mode of future communication is a good place to start.

Lesson learnt: Open dialogues with the school to provide clarity and promote a unified approach to your child's education.

Option 3: Step Back and Observe

This option depends on the gravity of the situation. Was the shock related to one subject or a specific aspect of work or conduct? Was it very uncharacteristic? It’s possible that this is a one-off. Doing nothing gives you the opportunity to practice restraint. It may also surprise your child and inspire them to be better by themselves.

It’s really hard to do this, so you may want to engage the teacher(s) to implement a tool that is common in the lower years of schooling. Ask that teachers/the teacher writes a quick comment at least once or twice a week in a communication journal. This may be targeted, e.g. when homework is set if the issue has been homework completion.

Lesson learnt: At times, less is more.

Scenario:

You’re tidying up the dining table and you see it. The homework that has been laboured over and is due today. What do you do?

Option 1: Deliver it personally

This option is the easiest for your child and possibly the easiest for you depending on how guilt prone you are. This should be rare though as you stand the risk of his or her ‘forgetting’ being the norm if you’re too willing to bring things in. Schools are used to it! You won’t be the first (or the last) to bring in a forgotten item.

Lesson learnt: While it's essential to support your child, do not make rescues a habit.

Option 2: Let it Be

At some stage, your child needs to learn to take responsibility for the full consequences of his or her actions. You will not always be there to rescue a situation and there’s so many greater life lessons you can share from this simple situation. For example, pack your bag the night before!

Lesson learnt: Learning responsibility now prepares your child for greater life challenges ahead.

Option 3: Call the School

This final option is the in-between or compromise option. A call to reception to let them know that the work is at home but complete and will be delivered at the end of the day (if you’re picking up your child) or the following day. This will at least ensure the school/teacher is informed even if a penalty is applied.

Lesson learnt: Mistakes happen, support your child within reason.